Nerds Unite!
by desertredwolf
Summary: A story about four young nerds attending Hogwarts and how they have to smuggle in "Muggle technology," in order to have game night. An OC!fic. Written for QLFC; Season 5, Round 7. Chaser 3 for Puddlemere United. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any other pop culture-y things you might recognize. All rights go to respective owners.**

* * *

 **Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition / Season Five, Round 7**

 **Team:** Puddlemere United

 **Position:** Chaser 3

 **Prompt:** Write about a witch or wizard attempting to smuggle (one or more) Muggle technology into Hogwarts.

 **Bonus Prompts:**

4\. (dialogue) "How many wizards does it take to make an aeroplane fly?"

7\. (word) confusion

13\. (word) batteries

 **Word Count (not including story title and author's notes):** 1962 (Google Docs)

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 **A/N —** The definition of "Muggle technology," quoted from a mod post (#1554) in the Q&A thread: _Muggle tech is just a loose term to refer to anything Muggle that wizards wouldn't know about. :) it doesn't necessarily have to do with electronic devices and can be anything "Muggle made."_

* * *

 **Nerds Unite!**

 _Isle of the Damned, The 20th of Nightal_

" _You will destroy us all!" the wizard shouts, as the box is ripped from his weak grip. Rezen ignores the warning, and he opens the rune-covered container._

 _Nothing happens. The inside of the box is empty, and Rezen tosses it away in frustration. But you quickly notice that not is all as it seems. The dungeon corridor appears to be growing darker with every passing moment, and you begin to hear it — a voice whispering from the depths of the shadows._

" _Come … to … me," it says. The voice sounds strangled and wretched, as if it comes from the deepest reaches of the Abyss. It grows stronger, and it seems to resonate within you — within your mind. Roland, the druid guide, casts a spell that illuminates the darkening area._

 _The enchantment conjures just enough light for you to make out a dark shape, grotesque and ominous, at the end of the corridor._

 _Straightening to his full height, the Lich King Zyddag stands before you. His eyes glow an eerie electric blue, and tattered robes from ages long past hang from his skeletal frame. He unsheathes a sword; the jagged metal blade is dark grey, and it promptly bursts into flames._

" _You think that you can escape death?" he snarls, his voice screaming into your thoughts._

"Roll 1d20 for initiative."

* * *

 _Hogwarts Library, June 4, 1994_

"Oh my god, we've summoned Satan."

Derek choked back his laughter, while Adam continued to mutter to himself, staring horror struck at the papers before him. He wasn't even sure if his fellow Hufflepuff was aware that he had said anything. Even Jaime — who was typically able to roll with the punches, both in the game and real life — was shuffling through his character sheets, desperately trying to find a way to save them.

"We are so screwed!" he finally whispered, his voice sounding strained. Adam nodded in panicked agreement.

"Well, you guys were the ones who thought it was a good idea to give the box of, and I quote," Derek said, as he flipped back through his notes, "' _unimaginable darkness and destruction_ ,'to a character with the strength and fortitude of a fruit fly."

"I'm a level four human paladin!" Jaime protested, his voice rising in panic. "What am I going to do? Stab Satan with a rusty dagger?"

Adam snorted. "It's better than me," he said sadly, flipping through his spell list. "As a level three gnome druid, I can either chuck a very small fireball at him, or beat him with a vine whip. Or stab him with a rusty dagger."

"What good are plants or tiny fireballs, when we're up against Satan and his flame sword?" Jaime snapped.

"Stabbing him with a rusty dagger it is, then," Adam muttered petulantly. The three of them fell into tense silence again.

Derek watched as his friends grew more and more despondent. He couldn't help but feel a touch of glee at their misfortune. It was for moments like this, that he really, _really_ liked being the Dungeon Master for campaigns.

"You do have Rezen in your group," he casually offered. "He's proven to be capable of handling himself against enemies of all kinds."

"Rezen?" Jaime questioned incredulously. "You mean the greedy human rogue, who only looks after himself? We would have better luck with asking the Lich to just nicely go back into the box."

"Do you think that's an option?" Adam asked, perking up hopefully.

"Well, well, _well_. Just _what_ exactly is going on here?"

The low terse voice sharply broke into their banter, causing the three of them to froze. Slowly, the trio turned to find Professor Snape standing ominously behind them. Derek felt himself flinch involuntarily. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jaime try and casually move a stack of papers underneath the table — as if _that_ would help them. Everything was scattered across the table.

There was no hiding the evidence.

"Hello, Professor," Adam said tentatively. Professor Snape ignored him.

"Are you, or are you not, all attending a school for magic?" the Potions Master demanded, his tone icy and unyielding.

"Yes, we are, sir," Derek mumbled.

"Then could one of you explain why there is Muggle technology on this table?" the professor spat. This time, Derek noticed that he wasn't the only one to flinch. "Despite being first year students, you all must be aware of the rules by now."

 _We're so screwed,_ he thought helplessly.

"Hmm?" Jaime hummed in mock confusion, as he continued to try and shove papers under the table. "What technology? I don't have anything that requires electricity or batteries. Do you, guys?"

Adam outright smacked his hand to his forehead, and Derek just sighed. Was it really in every Gryffindor's DNA to antagonize the Head of Slytherin House?

" _Accio_."

The incantation saw pencils, spiral notebooks, dice, sheets of paper, and a Dungeons & Dragons player handbook flying through the air to Professor Snape. In one smooth flick of his wand, he banished the items. Derek yelped in protest. He had spent most of his pocket money on the sets of dice and books!

"Forty points from Hufflepuff," Snape said, glaring first at Derek and Adam, then at Jaime, "and twenty from Gryffindor. If I ever catch you with Muggle items again, it's twice that and detention for a month. You go to a school for magic. You are all wizards … _despite your heritage_. Start acting like it."

On that final note, Snape left the library, his robes billowing behind him.

" _Muggle items_ ," Adam muttered under his breath, as soon as Snape was gone. "Do I now need to worry about having to find a way to smuggle my glasses into school? Honestly."

Jaime snorted and started to complain about a certain greasy-haired professor, but Derek tuned him out. He was still focused on what Adam had said about glasses. It wasn't much — and he knew that the three of them probably couldn't pull it off alone — but he had the beginning of a plan…

* * *

 _Empty Seventh Floor Corridor, November 9, 1994_

"Let me get this straight. You want to invite a _girl_ to join the campaign?"

Jaime was staring at him, a disbelieving expression on his face, but Derek didn't care. It had taken a lot of scheming over the summer and one lucky encounter at King's Cross, but he was sure he now had a foolproof plan. A girl joining the game was the least of their worries. If he could just get his friends to agree, they would be home free and their campaign could continue!

"I mean," Jaime continued, and Derek could tell he was just getting started, "we would have to teach her _everything_ , and we were at a critical point, too! This is a serious game, Derek. We can't afford new players at this stage."

Derek turned to Adam, in order to get his opinion and hopefully find some support.

"I know you've been planning something in secret," his friend replied calmly, "and I'm sure you think you've thought this all the way through. But how can we continue a campaign, when all of our progress and supplies were banished by a sulky dungeon bat?"

"I can fix that! We just—" Derek whispered excitedly. A pointed cough interrupted the beginning of his explanation, forcing him to backtrack. "Uh, I mean Anna can fix that!"

A girl, dressed in green-trimmed robes and standing next to him, cheekily waved at Jaime and Adam.

"Hello," she said with a smirk. Adam's mouth twitched into a small smile, while Jaime just gawked at the girl. Derek grinned; he was winning over Adam. Now, they just needed to focus on Jaime.

"No way," the Gryffindor boy eventually said, tearing his gaze away from Anna. "She's a _Slytherin_ , Derek. We can't trust her."

He opened his mouth to argue — _Who cared if she was a Slytherin?_ — when he suddenly felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Derek looked over to see Anna smiling at him.

"I've got this," she said calmly. She then looked at Jaime, her eyes narrowing fiercely. "Me being a Slytherin is how you're going to get your game material."

"How?" Jaime retorted.

"Easy," she snapped back. "I'm going home for Christmas. Who really wants to stay, when there's a ball we can't even attend? Anyway, when I go home, I'll go by new sets of dice and a player handbook. Once I do that, I'll get them into Hogwarts with my things."

"Where are _you_ going to buy the stuff?" Adam asked curiously. Anna rolled her eyes.

"Honestly," she said, shaking her head slowly, "all Slytherins aren't Purebloods. I'm a half-blood, even though I don't bandy it about. I'll go to the same place where I got this." Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a comic book.

"Is that the latest Thor issue?" Jaime questioned ecstatically. The fact that he was talking to a Slytherin girl had apparently been long forgotten.

"Yep," she replied happily. "And once I get the new items, we can play in there." Anne nodded to the door behind her. This last statement saw the excitement drain out of the two boys a little.

"Okay, now I know you're pulling our legs," Adam said, and Jaime nodded sadly. "That's a broom cupboard door."

"Is it?" Derek replied, stepping back into the conversation. Anna nodded graciously and allowed him to take the floor.

"This is what's caused you to be all secretive?" the other Hufflepuff asked rhetorically. The only possible response to the lingering doubt was for Derek to push open the cupboard door.

Jaime and Adam's jaws dropped in shock.

The inside of the cupboard was actually a miniature library, with a large table and comfy chairs by a roaring fireplace. It looked comfortable and homey — a perfect place for a game night.

"It's bigger on the inside!" Anna proclaimed happily.

"You're a Whovian, too?" Adam asked offhandedly. Derek could tell he was still in shock.

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "And I've played Dungeons & Dragons before, too. So you won't have to teach me anything." She stared pointedly at Jaime, who had enough sense to look embarrassed.

"Sorry," he said with a grin. "So, how are you going to sneak the dice and books into Hogwarts?"

"Oh, that's the easy part," she said smugly. "I'll just put them in my trunk with my undergarments and monthly supplies. No one ever wants to check there."

The three boys shuddered.

" _How_ many wizards does it take to make an aeroplane fly?" Adam asked sarcastically. It was a rhetorical question that they used whenever something really dumb happened in the magical world. However, it was Anna's turn to shudder.

"Don't say that!" she exclaimed, horrified. "I'm going to have nightmares for _weeks_ now! Wizards should stay very, _very_ far away from aeroplanes!"

Jaime cracked a broad grin, and Derek knew that they were good to go with their plan.

"She's not half bad," he said, looking at Derek.

"I know, right?" he replied.

"So," Anna asked anxiously, "does this mean I'm in?"

* * *

 _Isle of the Damned, The 20th of Nightal_

" _You think that you can escape death?" the Lich King snarls, his voice screaming into your thoughts._

 _Just as all hope seems lost, a ranger steps out from the shadows behind the party. The newcomer quickly strides to the front of the group, as they pull back the hood of their cloak. You see long blonde hair framing a fair face, as well as pointy ears peeking out beneath the tresses. The elf confidently unsheathes a rapier and smiles back at the party._

 _A new hero joins the campaign._


End file.
